Empathy has a dark side

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CultureXP – Blair | 3 min read  

My friends may be wondering where I’m going with this title. I love meeting people, listening to their stories, seeing the world through their eyes, and feeling what they are feeling. I’m driven in part, because I believe you can’t lead the Culture if you don’t live the Culture. Seeing the world through different eyes, perspectives and possibly accelerated by my time with the Practitioners, I've learned empathy has a dark side.

Master Yoda says "When you look at the dark side, careful you must be. For the dark side looks back." My learning is that I can't always trust my feelings for making decisions that are in the best interests of the business. Leaving empathy unchecked can cloud judgement, and create blind spots in empathising with an individual, or someone who shares a similar EQ lens, or with the opinions of a small group of people rather than the opinions of everyone in the organisation. It can wreak havoc with decision making.

If you're a leader of people, chances are you may have been involved or are currently considering making a decision that is good for business but not so great for people you care about. These decisions weigh heavily both on mind and conscience. Whatever you decide is best for the business, imagine finding peace with it, and caring for people at the same time. Dave Baily refers to this as rational compassion and defines this as making decisions based on good reason and showing compassion to those who are affected. The key? Understanding that compassion is not the same as empathy. Compassion is the willingness to relieve the suffering of another. Empathy means that you feel what a person is feeling. Rational compassion means that you don't have to feel how someone feels truly, but it does mean you care for them and genuinely try to understand them.

What I love about rational compassion is that it brings the decision back to good reason. It unclouds your judgement, and defines your actions for genuinely caring for your people. On the flip side, for our cold-blooded leaders, it can help them appear almost human - we need more of that. In my mind, asking these questions starts you on the path of being remembered by your people long after the decision and COVID-19 fades.

·      What is the rational thing to do for the business?

·       How do I communicate the decision and still live to our company values?

·       How can I be compassionate to all the people involved?

An excellent example of a leader who embodies being rational and compassionate is Airbnb Co-Founder and CEO Brian Chesky. The note he sent to his employees moved me, https://news.airbnb.com/a-message-from-co-founder-and-ceo-brian-chesky/ 

We wear our empathy shield with pride at CultureXP, but now more than ever, our businesses could benefit from rational compassion. Thanks for reading my blog. Our world is better when we share, and sharing your compassion stories would do us all a world of good right now.

At CultureXP, our inspiration comes from the people around us, what we see and the experiences we live. We are a curious and creative bunch, continually learning and remixing ideas from all walks of life. Sharing the idea ancestry is essential to us. Thank you, Dave Bailey, at Dave-Bailey.com